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"Cats" and all related things are the property of Andrew Lloyd Webber, The Really Useful Group, and related parties. Lyrics are taken from and based off "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" and other poems by T.S. Eliot, with additions by Trevor Nunn and Richard Stilgoe. No copyright infringement is intended.
The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with "The Marching Song of the Pollicle Dogs"

Sung by: Munkustrap, Old Deuteronomy and The Company
Original London Cast
Original Broadway Cast
Original Australian Cast
Video
N/A
N/A
Jellicle cats meet once a year
On the night we make the Jellicle choice
And now that the Jellicle leader is here,
The Jellicle cats can all rejoice!

Of the Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the great Rumpus Cat!

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate foes:
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
They do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They will now and again join into the fray, and they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you can hear them all over the park,
And they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you can hear them all over the park.

Now on the occasion of which I now speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke)
The big police dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink.

And no one at all was about on the
street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet
And started to -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark? ...bark!


Until you could hear them all over the park
And they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark! ...bark!


Until you could hear them all over the park.

Now the Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no British dog, but a heathen
Chinese.
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the window, some came to the door;
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery heathen
Chinese.
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke.


There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane;
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian,
And even from China and Spain.
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who walks on a chain.

And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain
(plain!);
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again


And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined into the din with a -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you could hear them all over the park
And they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
(Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery)
Bark, bark, bark, bark
(Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff)


Until you could hear them all over the park.

Now when those bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped and the Underground trembled,
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the fire brigade
When suddenly up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but
THE GREAT RUMPUS CAT!

His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier

And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning,
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning.
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap -
And every last one of them scattered like sheep.
And when the police dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left on the street.


All hail and all power to
THE GREAT RUMPUS CAT!

Jellicle cats and dogs all must
Pollicle dogs and cats all must
Like undertakers, come to dust


Macavity!
Jellicle cats meet once a year
On the night we make the Jellicle choice
And now that the Jellicle leader is here,
Jellicle cats can all rejoice!

Of the Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the great Rumpus Cat!

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate foes:
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They now and again join into the fray, and they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you can hear them all over the park.

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke)
The big police dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink.

And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet
And started to -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you could hear them all over the park
And they -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you could hear them all over the park.

Now the Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no British dog, but a heathen
Chinese.
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the window, some came to the door;
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery heathen Chinese.
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke.


There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane;
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian,
And even from China and Spain.
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who walks on a chain.


And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain;

That my name it is Little Tom
Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again


And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined into the din with a -


Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark


Until you could hear them all over the park.

(Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery)
(Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff)


Until you could hear them all over the park.

[Cacophony of barks]

NO!

When these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped and the Underground trembled,
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the fire brigade
When suddenly up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but
THE GREAT RUMPUS CAT!

His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier

And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning,
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning.
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap -
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.
And when the police dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left in the street.


All hail and all power to
THE GREAT RUMPUS CAT!

Jellicle cats and dogs all must
Pollicle dogs and cats all must
Like undertakers, come to dust


Macavity!
Notes

Okay, first off - the Australian CD has the "Jellicle cats meet once a year.." song at the start of this song, but the libretto lists it as the last verse of "Old Deuteronomy", which is also how the scene selection on the DVD version of the video splits them up. -However-, that verse is not present on the London or Broadway CDs, which also omit this song. This suggests to me that the verse is indeed meant to be part of this song and not "Old Deuteronomy", so that's how I've listed it here.

This song isn't present on either the London or the Broadway Cast Recording CDs. I'm not sure why; space constraints, perhaps? (The librettos make note of the CDs containing "some small alterations and cuts for recording purposes principally in the longer dance sections and narrative poem The Pekes and The Pollicles", so..) Anyway, the Australian Cast Recording is the only CD to contain this song, so that's why I only have lyrics for that and the video version.

Some productions cut this song entirely. The original placement of this song is in act one, between "Old Deuteronomy" and "The Jellicle Ball"; I'm told that the 2016 Broadway version, and the 2017 International tour, have changed the placement; "Pekes and the Pollicles" is moved to act two and takes the place of "Growltiger's Last Stand", with Gus playing the Rumpus Cat instead of Growltiger.

90% of the lyrics are taken from the original "Awefull Battle" poem, with two exceptions; "The Marching Song of the Pollicle Dogs" is taken from one of T.S. Eliot's unpublished poems, and the last verse of the song ("Jellicle cats and dogs all must.." etc) is taken from his poem "Lines to a Yorkshire Terrier".