Adventure Time
Season Seven, Episode Thirty - "Lady Rainicorn of the Crystal Dimension"
Executive Producer: Fred Seibert
Written and storyboarded by: Graham Falk
Story by: Kent Osborne, Jack Pendarvis, Ashly Burch, Adam Muto
Supervising director: Elizabeth Ito
Art director: Sandra Lee
Executive Producer: Adam Muto

Transcribed by: Carrehz (carrie_clawz@yahoo.co.uk)
If you're going to take this and put it on your site, please ask first. If you don't wanna 
ask, at least give credit. C:

** As with all of my transcripts, this is not intended to be a replacement for watching 
the episode itself, it's more for quoting purposes, easily checking lines without having to 
search through the episode for them, etc. **

Notes:
- Okay, so... T.V.'s name. So "Jake the Dad" and "Ocarina" spells his name with the 
  full stops, but this episode spells it without. I honestly have no idea which is 
  the more correct/"official" spelling at this point (although they seem to be 
  leaning more towards "TV" - the credits consistently spell his name like that, 
  for example); I'm sticking with "T.V." for consistency's sake, as that was how 
  I spelt it in my transcript of "The Diary".
- Anything in angle brackets (<>) denotes dialogue that is spoken in Korean. I 
  don't understand Korean personally, so all of the translated dialogue is taken 
  from the episode's subtitles. 
- T.V. speaks pretty quietly, almost in a monotone; I tried to transcribe his 
  dialogue to reflect that.

------------

(The ep starts in Lady Rainicorn's stable; specifically, in T.V.'s bedroom. T.V. 
 is lying in bed; he blows gently at the windchimes hanging from his ceiling.)
[Lady Rainicorn] (o/s) T.V.~
                 <It's noon. Are you getting up?>
[TV] Nah, I'm good here. Mom, give me some money.
[LR] <T.V., get a job.>
[TV] (a bit surprised) A job?
(Lady walks up to T.V., still in bed.)
[LR] <Listen, I will provide you with food, and you can keep using my shampoo. 
      Now I'm going out to lunch.>
[TV] Lunch with who?
[LR] <With Princess Bubblegum.>
[TV] Princess Bubblegum? Do you guys even hang out any more?
(Lady walks out of the room.)

~~~

(T.V. wanders around the kitchen, opening and closing the fridge, trying and failing 
 to find something to eat.)
[TV] (to himself, quiet/under his breath) Mnn..
(He pulls out a drawer; it has a white handbag inside.)
     Hm?
(He checks inside it and then tosses it to one side; it's empty. T.V. notices a 
 divider in the drawer and pulls it away..)
     Hm..
(..to reveal a wooden box, hidden at the back of the drawer. He picks it up and 
 opens it, to find a glowing, crystal sandwich inside.)
     Hey, some kinda sandwich. (eats it.)
(He looks at the now-empty box, smiling.)
     (internal monologue) This box looks vintage.
     (out loud) It could be worth money!
(Tucking the box under one arm, he replaces the handbag and kicks the drawer shut, 
 then walks out of the stable.)
     ~ Gonna sell a weiiiird box
       Gonna make some maaaad bucks
       Gonna buy some neeeeww.. books ~ 
(Meanwhile, Lady returns to the stable, a doggy bag of food in her mouth.)
[LR] (with mouth full) T.V.~~!
(She puts the bag down on the kitchen counter.)
     T.V.~!
(T.V.'s computer is flashing; he's left her a message. She walks over to it and 
 taps a key on the keyboard to open the message.)
[TV] (on computer) "Hey Mom! 
                    I'm going to the market to sell a secret weird box.
                    I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box.
     (echo-y)       I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box.
                    I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box.
(Lady frantically looks in the drawer, only to find it empty.)
                    I ate the weird sandwich from the weird box."
[LR] (freaking out) T.V.!
(Lady rushes off to the market.)

~~~

(T.V. wanders around the farmer's market - previously shown in "Blade of Grass", 
 "The Diary", etc - with the box, trying to find a buyer.)
[TV] Weird box for sale~!
(He takes it to Tom, the musicbox salesman from "The Diary".)
[Tom] Hm.
      Sorry, kid. (pushes box back to T.V.) Maybe if it was a *music* box.
(Meanwhile, a leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-riding Rainicorn dude drives up 
 to the edge of the market. He slows down, takes off his sunglasses and looks 
 around.)
[Lee] Hm. 
      <It's close.>
(He replaces his glasses and speeds off. Anyway, back to T.V., who's still trying 
 to sell the box.)
[Candy Box Salesman] Now if it was a /candy/ box, I could use it..
(Lee - the aforementioned Rainicorn guy - stops in the middle of the market and 
 takes out an odd cluster of crystals.)
[L] (to the crystal) <Do your thing.> (slight laugh)
(A pink swirl, sensor.. THING snakes out from the crystal, searching through the 
 market.)
[Gourd Saleslady] Get your cukes! Get your zukes! 
                  (holds up hats) Get your handwoven tuques!
(T.V. stands off to the side, hand on hip, looking mildly disappointed.)
[TV] (inner monologue) Ugh. People here are dumb or something.
(The sensor thing recognizes the sandwich, still inside TV; its target found, it 
 slinks back into the crystal.)
[L] (small laugh)
    <Gotcha.>
(He replaces the crystal and drives up to T.V., who is clearly impressed by Lee.)
[TV] (awed; to himself) Woahhh..
[L] <Hey, I'm Lee.>
(He leans forward.)
    <Nice box.>
[TV] Gimme money, Lee. And you can have it.
[L] <I don't believe in currency, man!
     But I know a place where you could get a lot of money for a box like that. 
     Get on my cool bike, I will take you there!>
(He picks up TV with one hand and sits him down behind him.)
[TV] (conversationally) Uh, BTW, my name's T.V.
[L] <My name is Lee.>
(They drive off.)
[TV] (sing-song; happy) ~ I've got a new best friend! ~
[L] ~ Named Lee! ~
(Lady approaches the market and immediately spots them.)
[LR] Lee?!
[L] (quick) Oh-!
(He swerves to avoid her.)
[TV] Hey, Mom.
[LR] (gives chase) <You can't take it, Lee!>
[L] <You know this is for the best.>
[LR] <Also you can't take my son T.V.!>
(Lee throws the crystal a short distance in front of the bike; it grows and opens 
 up into a portal, which he drives through.)
[LR] T.V.!!
(As she approaches it, the crystal portal closes and shatters into a thousand 
 pieces.)
     (defiant) <Don't make me laugh.>
(She swipes the air with her horn, opening up another portal, and follows T.V. 
 and Lee. The portal tosses them into a room made entirely of crystal; they go 
 through a door, which immediately closes behind them. Lady nudges the door with 
 her horn, unable to follow.)
     T.V.!!!

~~~

(Cut to an exterior shot of none other than the titular Crystal Dimension; specifically, 
 a very nice, fancy mansion. T.V. wanders around, while Lee sits on a couch nearby, 
 idly strumming an electric guitar.)

[TV] (awed) You've got such a cool place, Lee.
[L] <Well, you're a cool guy, too. Aren't you?>
[TV] (pleasantly surprised) Cool?
     (self-assured; agreeing with him) Yes, I am.
     (looking around) How much did this place cost? (wanders off)
[L] <Oh, it's not my house. I'm squatting.>
(His mobile phone rings.)
    (on phone; whispering) <Yeah, I've got him. Get the boys over here.>
(T.V. wanders over to an odd pedestal of sorts; it has a wheel attached to it. 
 Said wheel has a slot that's looks suspiciously T.V.-shaped...)
[TV] Hey, what's this thing?
[L] Oh, oh. <That's nothing, man.> (awkward laugh)
(He covers it up with a vase of flowers.)
    <Hey, wanna get on the back of my motorbike again?>
(T.V. runs up to it; Lee follows him.)
[TV] (excited.. well, as excited as T.V ever gets, anyway ^^;) Haha, yeah.
[L] <I'll show you how to do a wheelie!>
[TV] (still excited) Woah. A wheelie!
     ~ I've got a new best friend! ~
[L] ~ Named Lee. ~
(Unbeknownst to T.V., a gang of dogs are approaching him from behind..)

~~~

(Lady Rainicorn wanders around the streets of the Crystal Dimension; she stops at 
 a wall covered with posters, as well as a piece of anti-dog graffiti; "Down With 
 Dogs". She stares at it; cue flashback to her younger days, when she was Lee's 
 flower crown-wearing girlfriend. Lee "paints" the graffiti onto the wall 
 with his horn.)
[L] (points to graffiti) <This is what I think about dogs, baby!>
(Lee and Lady ride down the street on his motorbike)
[L] (shouting at passersby) <Yeah! Hey, dogs!>
(Cut to a variety of dogs walking down the street opposite, including none other 
 than Toronto the Shiba Inu, apparently on his way to work. He stops halfway through 
 Lee's shouts to look at him, as do the other dogs.)
    <You're stupid!>
    (mocking) <Bow wow wow wow!>

(Lee.. "talks" to a dog policeman.)
    <Hey! Dog cop!> (hops up and down) <Whats'a matter? Not used to Rainicorns 
     standing up to you, huh?>
(Dog cop doesn't react at all, just stands there, a bit stunned.)

(Lee tosses a futuristic/crystal bomb into a dustbin and rushes away, to Lady, who 
 is watching from a nearby alley, smiling.)
    (snickers to himself)
    <Get a load of this, baby!>
(A dog approaches the bin; Lady and Lee watch as the bomb goes off and coats the 
 poor dog with some sort of rainbow substance.)
    (laughs) Boom!
[LR] (fondly) Oh, Lee.
(They ride down the street on his bike again.)
[L] (laughs) <Baby, did you see that?>
(Cut to a group of dogs waiting at the bus stop; they look up at the sound of 
 impending doom and are immediately covered in rainbow paint, or whatever it is; 
 Lee has thrown it over them. He turns to Lady.)
    (laughs again) <I hate dogs so much!>

(Another scene change; we see Lady and Lee hanging out in their hole-in-the-wall 
 flat. Lady stands at a spinning wheel as Lee talks to her.)
    (laughs) <We don't need to follow dogs' rules!>
[L] <Yeah.>
[Ethel] (o/s) Ding dong!
(Lady's parents, Bob and Ethel, stand in the doorway.)
        Doting parents delivery service!
[Bob] (o/s) Your mother and I were in the neighbourhood.
(Lady stops pedalling the spinning wheel and turns to look at her parents; Lee 
 leans in closer to Lady, also staring at the doorway. Bob and Ethel walk up to 
 them, carrying a paper bag full of groceries.)
[E] One can't live on love alone, one must also have groceries.
(She sets the bag down on the floor.)
[L] (somewhat disdainful) <Hey, groceries are a dog-driven concept. There's enough 
    nutrition in that macramé owl on the wall there to feed this entire city for 
    a year!>
(Ethel and Bob drive home, staring blankly.)
[E] Whatever does she see in such an idiot?

(In a meadow, Lady and Lee chase each other round in circles, both giggling.)
[L] <You're beautiful, baby!>
[LR] (fondly) Oh, Lee. (giggles)

(..then we see a dog police station, with suspicious looking wires trailing out of 
 it. Lee and Lady are standing on the pavement opposite; Lee is holding a detonator.)
[L] <Watch this, baby!>
(He pushes down on the detonator; the entire station explodes in a burst of rainbow. 
 Cut back to the Rainicorns; Lady now looks very shocked, whereas Lee is jumping 
 up and down with glee.)
    Woohoo!! <I hate dogs! I hate those stinkin' dogs!>
(Lady realizes Lee is serious.)
[LR] (quietly; concerned) Lee...

(Cut to a hip, Rainicorn coffee shop, World Beans; a couple of Rainicorns are 
 inside, drinking coffee, playing the guitar, etc. Lady walks in, looking for her 
 boyfriend; she walks up to another Rainicorn girl.)
[LR] Lee? (like "have you seen him?")
(The Rainicorn nods at the back of the shop; Lady walks into the backroom, to find 
 Lee is back there with another Rainicorn, scrutinizing a map.)
[L] <All we gotta do is follow this map!>
[R] You mean /this/ stolen map?
(Lee nods; Lady approaches them, looking at said map.)
[LR] <What is this?>
[R] (overlapping with the end of Lady's line) Lady?
[L] (at same time as Roy) Oh-
(He hastily folds up the map, so Lady can't read it.)
    <Uh, nothing.. nothing, nothing.>
(Lady folds it back out, leaning in closer.)
[LR] (shocked) <No way! You're going too far, Lee!>
(Cut to show the map; the crystal sandwich is shown in the center of a maze.)
               <Breaking into a dog military installation!>
     (accusatory) <You could trigger another Rainicorn-dog war!>
[L] Hah. <You know, I'm actually glad you caught me. We can't do this without you. 
    The Rainicorns need you.> (He presses his face close to hers.) <Lee needs you.>
    (smooch)
[LR] (uneasy noise, kind of a sigh)
(scene fades to black)

(We see the labyrinth that was shown on the map; two security guards - both dogs, 
 of course - are stationed outside. Roy and Lee throw empty coffee bean sacks over 
 them; Lady tapes the sacks together and uses her magic to colour the sacks so they 
 match the walls of the labyrinth. Lee puts them to one side and enters the labyrinth; 
 Lady and Roy follow behind him. Lee reaches the center of the maze first; the box 
 from earlier on in the episode is on a little pedestal. He approaches it.)
[L] <Finally... The Mergence of Destruction!>
(He opens the box and holds the crystal sandwich - the Mergence of Destruction - 
 staring at it excitedly.>
    <I'm gonna rain pain on all those dumb dogs-!>
(However, before he can do anything, Lady leans in and cracks him over the head 
 with a bat; he collapses as she takes the Crystal Mergence off him.)
[LR] <I'm sorry, my love.>
[R] (o/s) Heyy, 
    (walks up to them) what's going on?
(Lady tosses her flower crown at him, obscuring his view, and then uses her magic 
 to knock him back.)
    (groans)
[L] (weakly) <You can't stop me. I'm gonna get that nugget someday.>
    (v/o) <I'll chase you to the ends of the Crystal Dimension!>

(back at Bob and Ethel's house..)
[LR] <Mom, Dad, I've got to get out of town fast.>
[E] You're leaving? Do you want any groceries to take with you?
[LR] <No, Mom...
      Listen, I don't know if I can ever come back -- 
      The Crystal Mergence must be kept far from here.>
[E] Okay, but - take a purse, I have tons of them.

(Lady drives off on Lee's motorbike, the handbag from earlier in her mouth. Bob and 
 Ethel stand at the door, seeing her off.)
[LR] (with mouth full) <Thanks, Mom! Thanks, Dad! I love you!>
[B] No more nose ring bozo!
[E] Prayer works.

(Lady climbs a crystal mountain, Lee's motorbike left abandoned at the foot of 
 the mountain. At the top of the mountain is a portal; she goes through it and 
 ends up in the Land of Ooo, where she almost immediately comes across Cinnamon 
 Bun, who is being chased by two little mushroom dudes.)
[Cinnamon Bun] Ohh... Oh, ohh... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.. Oh, what am I gonna 
               do?!
[LR] (to herself) <Weird.>
(She wanders through the countryside...)
     <The trees are lovely here.>
(...and comes across a broken, abandoned old stable; the very same stable that  
 eventually becomes her home. She enters it and flops down on the floor.)
     (sighs)
(Lady takes the box out of her handbag.)
     <I'll keep you hidden. For as long as I must..>
(She falls asleep; end flashback. Lady stares at Lee's old anti-dog graffiti for 
 a bit longer and then walks away. She walks into World Beans, which is now 
 abandoned; the only person there is Lee, standing behind the counter, pouring 
 himself a cup of coffee.)
[LR] (determined) Roy!
[R] (surprised) Lady!
[LR] <Is Lee here?>
(She doesn't wait for an answer, and marches off to the backroom as Roy starts to 
 speak.)
[R] No. Lee hasn't been here for.. Hey, hey! 
    (o/s) Don't go back there.
(Lady peeks into the empty backroom.)
[LR] Aha! 
(She realizes no one's there.)
     Oh.
[R] It's just coffee, I work here now.
(Lady walks back to him, annoyed/determined.)
[LR] <Where is he hanging out?
      This is important.>
     (slams fist on counter) <I have to know where he is right away!>
[R] Hey, I, ah, I don't keep in touch, alright? I just wanna make a good coffee.
[LR] <Quality, huh..?>
(She swirls the coffee in the cup rapidly with her foot.)
     <Like this?>
[R] No!! My latte!
[LR] (does it again) <Talk!>
[R] (picks up cup) I dunno! I'm not into, you know... I have my own business. 
    Quality coffee.
(Lady leans down, glaring at the sacks of coffee beans stacked in front of the 
 counter.)
[LR] <You mean this coffee?>
(She pierces the coffee bean sack with her horn.)
[R] (o/s; horrified) That's my kona!
    I'll tell you all the stuff I know. There was no sign of you so Lee went *way* 
    underground. Started running with a crew of revolutionary dogs - //dogs!!// I 
    know, right? Lee hangs out at the old Bootlegger mansion with those dogs.
(Lady takes a rolled-up newspaper from the counter.)
[LR] <I'm going to need this.>
(She tucks it under her arm and walks off; Roy watches her, then turns back to his 
 cup of coffee.)
[R] (to himself) So much anger..

~~~

(back at the mansion...)
[TV] (o/s) Hey, Lee.
(...T.V. is strapped to the aforementioned pedestal-thing, surrounded by Lee and 
 the gang of dogs.)
     This is a cool game, being strapped to this wheel. (nervous laugh)
     ~ I've got a new best friend! ~
(He looks expectantly at Lee, who just stares blankly back at him.)
     (dawning horror) ~ Named.. Lee... ~
(One of the dogs starts to spin the wheel, slowly at first; it steadily gets 
 faster.)
     Uhhh... I don't like this.... Nooo... (getting more frantic) Lee why are you 
     doing this?!
(The wheel spins faster, becoming a blur.)
[L] <Faster.>
(The Crystal Mergence pops out of the blur; Lee catches it, and the dog stops 
 spinning T.V. around; the straps un-latch and he drops onto the pedestal, looking.. 
 more disappointed/offended than anything, really XD Like "dude, seriously?".)
    <The Crystal Mergence of Destruction!>
(Suddenly, Lady comes rushing into the mansion!)
[LR] Lee!!
[L] Lady?
[TV] Mommy!!
[L] <Get her, boys!>
(The dogs walk up to Lady; she pulls the rolled-up newspaper from under her arm 
 and swats their noses, sending them packing.)
    (laughs o/s)
    <Why don't you join my cause, baby?>
[LR] <I thought you were against dogs!>
(She jabs at him with her horn; he dodges the attack.)
[L] <That was then...>
(He floats away from Lady.)
    <Now the Rainicorns are ruling the roost!> (small laugh)
(Lady chases after him. Lee stands on top of the pedestal/wheel that previously 
 held T.V.)
    <Nobody is going to stand in my way this time!>
(Lady and T.V. slowly approach Lee.)
[TV] (casual) Hi Mom, how do you know Lee?
[L] <You're too late!>
(He licks the Crystal Mergence; it glows brightly and a spiral of light snakes out 
 from it.)
    (laughs triumphantly) <Yeah!>
(Lady and T.V. stare, shocked.)
    (o/s) <Okay, now how..>
(The light from the Crystal Mergence starts to engulf Lee..)
    <How do I work this thing?> (slight laugh)
(..and then surrounds him entirely, sucking him into the sandwich. There's a pause, 
 and then two more bolts of light shoot out from the Mergence, trying to grab Lady 
 and T.V.; they both cry out in shock.)
[LR] <T.V.! Run!>
(T.V. walks away as best as he can)
[TV] Um, okay..
(He notices the box that previously held the Mergence, sitting on a nearby end 
 table, and picks it up. Lady is barely managing to stand her ground; the Mergence 
 is trying to get her, too.)
[LR] Aaahh!
(T.V. leans up - making.. a noise that you might make when leaning up like this as 
 he does so, idk how to word it - and snaps the box shut over the Mergence, trapping 
 it again; the bolts of light disappear instantly. He lowers the box to Lady's 
 eye-level.)
[TV] 's a good thing I didn't sell this box!

~~~

(Back to the streets of the Crystal Dimension. The Crystal Guardians - last seen 
 in "Crystals Have Power" - wander down the street; a family of dogs chat to each 
 other - although we don't hear what they say, they just mouth wordlessly. [In the 
 original, at least; I know the French dub gave them dialogue]; and Lady and T.V. 
 stand outside a shop. Lady has taken Lee's motorbike once again.)
[LR] <Let's go back, T.V.
      I have to get this thing out of here and back to Ooo.>
[TV] Yeah, no I think I'll stay here in the Crystal Dimension for a while. 
     (genuine admiration) I wanna learn to be cool, like you! (a bit quieter, 
     almost as an aside) More independant, and everything.
(Lady pats/strokes his head.)
[LR] <Okay, sweetie. If that's what you want.
      Later, my boy!>
(She drives away; T.V. calls after her, waving.)
[TV] Love you, Mom!

(cut to the outside of a familiar looking house..)
     (o/s) Ah..
     Being independant is awesome.
(Pan out to reveal that T.V. now lives with Bob and Ethel, his grandparents; after 
 a moment of silence, he turns to look at them.)
     You guys have any food?

~ THE END! ~