The Angry Beavers Season N/A, Episode N/A - "Bye Bye Beavers" Written by: ? Storyboarded by: Maureen Mascarina, ? Animation director: ? Created by Mitch Schauer Transcribed by: Carrehz (carrie_clawz@yahoo.co.uk) If you're going to take this and put it on your site, please ask first. If you don't wanna ask, at least give credit. C: Background information: This is the infamous never-made finale episode. It was never animated, however, it was recorded. This recording has been floating around the internet for years now (it can currently be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPP4zUDuo4c, although I can't guarantee that that link will work). Out of boredom and also a vague notion that a few people might find this useful (:P), I decided to transcribe it. *NOTE: Storyboards for part of this episode can be found here: http://www.mascarina.com/portfolio-item/angry-beavers/ Thanks to Maureen Mascarina for sharing these! :) Notes: - Some lines were harder to decipher than others; lines that I'm unsure about have been marked with a question mark. - While Norb's ranting in the first few minutes, Dag keeps making kind of 'oh' noises in the background.. I have tried to note these, but I probably missed one or two. Nothing too important. - Around five minutes in, Norb and Dag keep cracking up every other line.. again, I tried to note this but I prolly missed a few times. (90% of this is likely "corpsing" - i.e., the voice actors slipping out of character and cracking up themselves - it sounds like it, anyway. Hee. Can't say I blame them.) - To expand on what I said above, Norb and Dag talk over each other a *lot* in this episode. I tried to transcribe this as best I could, but I may have missed some lines here and there or something. - Norb's VA also did the voice of Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, thus why Dag keeps calling him Salem ;). - The 'shut up' thing is a reference to the infamous censoring of the season two episode "Alley Oops"; from what I've heard, that episode originally ran with Norb saying "Oh up, Dag!" - it was supposed to be 'shut up', but one of the execs complained, so they bleeped it out until his VA could re-record the line. Of course, that ended up receiving even /more/ complaints, so it was later redubbed to "Shush up, stupid!". As you read this transcript, please keep in mind that again, only the audio was ever completed for this episode, and so some lines may seem 'off' since I didn't have a video to check for what they were doing during some lines.. if that makes sense. So yeah, just keep that in mind. Enjoy :) ------------ [Daggett] (eating) Mmm, oatmeal! (slobbering-type noises) [Norbert] Someday, I'm gonna donate your brain to science. HEY! Maybe they're collecting door-to-door! (I presume he's reading a letter at this point, but that is just a total guess on my part.) GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! (Various Norb-type expressions) Daggy! We're over! [D] (choking?) Norb.. Norb... [N] (ranting) HOW COULD THEY? (Undecipherable) Those guys do this to me, moi, myself? [D] (continues to choke) Norb..! Norbert... (he continues like this while Norb rants on) [N] I mean, I can understand Daggett being over, (fast, to himself) he's almost over and it looks like he's choking anyway, (raises voice again) but not the Norberator! The Norberonski! The Big One, the brother, the legend! (sobbing) THERE IS NO DOG! THERE IS NO DOG! (sobs) [D] (stops choking) That was nutsy! [N] No, that was cartoony. [D] Eh? [N] My doofy brother, we're going buh-bye. [D] Bye-bye? Why why? [N] Because we are OVER! [D] O-over? Over what? [N] Over! As in done, [D] Eh? [N] through, finished, [D] Eh? [N] ended, [D] Ah. [N] ter-minated, [D] Right. [N] Day-funct, extinct, ex-tan-guished, (starting to go hysterical) down for the count! (???), signin' off, sayin' 'sayonara', [D] Sayonora? [yes, the second 'o' was intentional -ed] [N] (Finito?), completo, (endiose?), sendin' this dog to Montana, (calmly) going bye-bye. [D] I don't get it. [N] Of course you don't. I've never told you this before because I was afraid your tiny and feeble mind couldn't combobulate it. We... are a cartoon. [D] Wha? [N] We aren't real! We're animated characters, in a cartoon! [D] Ssh! [N] Real beavers don't have appliances.. [D] Yeah? [N] ..they don't use bathrooms.. and they don't talk. [D] (whispering sympathetically) Poor things. [N] Technically, we're an optical illuuusion, observe. (I think Norb turns invisible here. Again, no animation makes these parts hard to transcribe ^^;) [D] (freaked out noise) Heeyy! Get away with your evil magic! [N] It's not evil magic. [D] Whatever you say, just wait here while I gather an angry mob to burn you at the stake. WHAT THE- [N] Starting to get the PICTURE?! [D] No. [N] WE'RE PICTURES! [D] Eh? [N] (ranting again) We're not even THREE-dimensional! [D] Wowzers! [N] Hate to break it to ya. [D] HEY! [N] You're actually not even /one/-dimensional. [D] (giggling, talking fast/excitedly) Ooh, hey hey, Norby, look, watch, check-check it out, (undecipherable) Now you see me, now you don't. (I assume he turns invisible here) (laughs) Boy, I can't wait to try this out the next time I fight Truckee! (quietly, to self) I hate Truckee. [N] ..you don't get this, do you. [D] See me, don't. See me.. don't! See me.. DON'T! See me, (giggles) don't! See me, don't (laughs) (I have no idea what happens here. I assume Norb hits him or something.) [D] (as if in pain) ..see me.. (There are a bunch of inexplicable quacking noises here, not really sure who/what this is meant to be.) [D] Oooh! Wacky Quacky, the mallet(?)-wielding duck! My favourite-itest cartoon. [N] Of course, I'm more sophi-/ca/-ted in my (repetoire?). But in many ways, we're just like them, Dag. Let me show you. [D] (still laughing) Ahah, whatever you say, evil magic brother of mine. ZOWIE! [???] You can say THAT again! [D] Zowie! (Someone, not really sure who, laughs hysterically. Dag joins in the laughter; the quacking starts up again. I think they're watching something on TV at this point? maybe?) [D] Zowie! That was nuts! (More quacking, and whooping/laughter. God I wish this episode had been made, it would have been awesome.) [?] (in a southern accent) PAY-thetic! Let's go! [D] If I knew we could do that, I'd've have moved there years ago. [N] If I knew you'd move there, I'd've told you. [D] Norb? Is there something you're not telling me? [N] Come along, brother. Time to visit one of my in-CRAY-dibly huge secret rooms, that conveniently appear in our dam, whenever I need them. [D] Yeah, I was wondering about that. [N] MOOOOOOOO! (As stated above, storyboards for this scene can be viewed here: http://www.mascarina.com/portfolio-item/angry-beavers/ Dag and Norb walk into the aforementioned 'secret room' and stop in front of a door marked..) [D] (reading) "Destructive Testing". Ooh, sounds constructive! [N] Remember all those times MASSIVE amounts of electrici-tay have COURSED through our bodies, [D] That rings a bell. [N] Pressurized cases have blown us up like balloons! [D] Ah, it's comin' back to me. [N] Noxious, toxic substances have coursed down our throats.. [D] Ohh yeah. [N] Large objects have fallen on our heads, and huge explosions have blown us to bits? (Norb puts a helmet on Dag's head.) [D] Yes? [N] Well, here we go again! (Brief moment of silence; according to the storyboard, Norb would've pulled a switch marked "High Voltage". I assume they never got round to adding sound effects, heh.) [D] That was nuts! [N] Nuts? [D] Yeah. [N] This is what really happens when that stuff happens to real people! (Norb shows Dag something on a screen; the audience doesn't see whatever it is.) [D] (shocked noises) Turn it off, Norby! (whining) For the love of Tod, turn it offffff! Ohhh, the horror, the horror.. [N] (cracks up) [D] That wasn't at all kid or beaver friendly. I'm scarred for life. [N?] The horror..! (laughs) [D] Excuse me while I embark on a crime spree. (Dag sneaks back into the living room, only to walk into Norb, who has somehow appeared behind him, blocking the exit.) HOW DID YOU- WHO DID YOU- What- WHAT did you-?! Eh? [N] WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KOREAN INK AND PAINT! We're cartoons, man! [D] Hey Norb? [N] (correcting himself?) Beaver thing. [D] Norby? Er.. [N] Weasel. [D] Yes. (Norb cracks up again) Your evil magic is becoming eviller.. [N] I give up. [D] Oh.. [N] We're a cartoon, an entertainment, an advertisement. [D] Eh? Adverti-what? [N] If ya can't accept that.. [D] I can't. [N] ..too bad, I mean like the real tragedy here.. [D] Yeah? [N] ..is that the wooorld will be deprived of MY creativity and DYNAMIC personality.. [D] Maybe, maybe if they had promoted the show? [N] That makes sense. [D] Yeah. [N] Would have helped. [D] Yeah, yeah. (laughs) [N] It's their loss. Farewell, brother. [D] Farewell. [N] I'm off to the over. [D] Ah- [N] Hopefully wherever over is, my ge-nay-us [said with a hard g, like 'gay-nius'] will be appreci-ah-ted there. [D] Hey, before you go get appreciated, put the rest of my arm back. [N] I dunno if we have that on a cable budget. [D] Norb? [N] Yeah? (cracks up again) [D] Um, I don't want you to panic, but something different is goin' on. [N] (calming down somewhat) That's what I've been tryin' to tell you, Rich, observe~ [D] (cracks up) [N] Our wooorld is an illusionnn! The creation.. [D] (laughing) Rich! [N] ..of a team of sensitive, gifted artists, /talented/ voice artists.. [D] Like you, Nick. [N] And like you, Richard. [D] Thanks- (dissolves into laughter again) [N] And a few hack writers. And now, little buddy, it's all goin' away. [D] (stops laughing) They-do-wha- (splutters) WHAAAAAAA? GOING AWAY?! N-n-n-n-n-NO! It can't! I'LL SHOW THOSE ARTISTS SENSITIVITY! (makes 'angry dog' noises, snarling and such) [N] CALM DOWN, MIGHTY STALLION! [D] (stops, calmly) Okay. [N] It's not their fault. [D] It's not? [N] They're as sad to see us go as we are. [D] Are you sure about that? [N] Oh yeah, cause listen, right now, THEY, [D] Uh-huh. [N] like you, [D] Uh-huh. [N] are moving from the FIRST stage of a cartoon being over, denial, [D] Right.. (giggles) [N] to the second stage, ANGER! (More angry, growling noises.) [D] (in shock) SALEM! Where did those come from? [N] (cracking up) SALEM! (They both laugh) They're visual aids, provided by our friends (in graphics?).. [D] (still laughing) (indecipherable) [N] ..they'll go away soon. See? [D] No. I mean, yes- I mean- I- I mean - (sobbing) I MEAAAAN, I'M SO CONFUSEDDD, (angry) I mean, I'm gonna kick me some show-being-over-guys' behinders! [N] No, Dag, you can't! [D] What the- (gasps) I mean- WHOOOOOOO~! (laughs) WHOOOO~!! [N] Hold on, Daggy! [D] Hold on to WHAT?! [N] I meant /emotionally/, not literally. [D] Oh. [N] HOLD ON, Richard! [D] Okay, Nick. [N] Now I mean literally. (laughs) [D] Oh. (They both scream and make noises of disgust, again, I'm not too sure why ^^;) [D] Heh-hey, hey Nick? [N] (quietly, not really interested) Yeah, what is it, Rich. [D] Maybe we can REASON with these spooty cartoon-being-over-guys, you know, give them somethin' valuable like cash money, or, or postage stamps, [N] Yes... [D] Or, or some autographed pictures, or- or if we can't reason with them, maybe we can just PRETEND to and then KICK THEIR BAHOOTIES! [N] Congratulations, Dag-almost-gone-ett. [D] Eh? [N] You've reached stage three of being over.. [D] Eh? [N] ..bargaining. [D] (does the 'denial' laugh - you know what I mean) I'm not /bargaining/! (laughs) I'm BRIBING! (desperate scurrying sort of noises) BRIBES! Bribes, bribes! (indecipherable) Bribes, bribes, bribes.. NICK- Norb- Salem- [N] What? (cracks up once again!) [D] Where did we put those bribes? [N] Richy-Dag, we don't have any bribes, all we have is cartoon stuff. See? These aren't even REAL! [D] Ow. [N] Besides, the cartoon-being-over-guys, they could have as many of our things painted as they want. [D] But what if we give them- [N] No, Dag! [D] But I got these- [N] YOU'RE STILL BARGAINING! [D] (makes a 'dawning moment of realization' kind of noise, if that makes sense) [N] Accept our fate. [D] Accept? [N] It's the way of the wooorld, (dear/deal?). After all, the cartoon-being-over-guys.. ALWAYS know what's best! I mean, they make (????) of science! [D] Huh. Gee, boy this is (true?). (??? No idea what he says here) [N] There, there. [D] Where where? [N] Ah yes, the next stage of being over.. [D] What's that? [N] Unhappiness-us-us-ness. Richy-Daggy.. [D] Yes? (laughs) Richy-Daggy.. [N] It's only nay-tural to be unhappiness-us-us-y, about being over. [D] You know what the most unhappiness-nissy thing about being over is, Nick-Norb? [N] (undecipherable) What's that? [D] I'm not gonna get to kick the spooty cartoon-being-over-guys' behinders! [N] Mm.. [D] It's a good thing we're over, Nicky-Norb. It sure would be hard livin' here without our stuff. [N] CONGRATULATIONS, Dagga-ma-hark (?), you've reached the final level of being over.. [D] I have? [N] AC-SAYP-TUNCE~! ['acceptance', otherwise. -ed] Yep. (laughs) [D] Are there any more of these spooty black card thingies? [N] That's the last. [D] You know, Norb-Nick? [N] Yeah. [D] You're the swellest brother a cartoon could ever have. [N] Dare I say it one last time..? [D] You dare. [N] BIIIIIG HUG! (Dag makes some 'choking-not-breathing' noises :P) [N] Ahahahaha! Come on in here! [D] Ah, at least I won't have to go through THIS again. [N] (laughs) [D] (in shock) WHOOOOO~! [N] (Dag..) (?) [D] NORBY! What's THAT? [N] Our series is about to FLASH before our EYES! [D] Ah geez. [N] Hang on, Dag-a-reckoning-Richy-boy! [D] Ahh boy, this is a pa-THAY-tic pulling of the heart strings for all of our viewers. (Brief pause, probably for a clip montage.) Norby? What happens when you're.. over? [N] Oh, it's not so bad. [D] No? [N] If the cartoon's good - hey, even if it isn't - (Dag laughs) it's rerun-incarnated! [D] Ooh, does that hurt? [N] Noooo, only when you get the later checks. [D] (cracks up) [N] The cartoon-being-over-guys rerun it over and over and THEY make /lots/ of well-deserved money. [D] Which they share with the people who MADE the cartoon, right? (Norb laughs hysterically) [N] (calming down) Haha.. haa.. whoo. (calmed down) Right. So you see, it's all for the better. [D] Right. [N] Even though we're VANISHING, we'll be back over and OVER again AT VIRTUALLY NO COST TO THE NETWORK! [D] That's great, Norby-Nick! [N] YEAH! [D] It's like.. immortality without have-ening to show up every day. [N] Exactly. (pause) Time to say buh-bye, Daggy. [D] (quietly) Bye.. bye.. Daggy.. (pause) (angrily) Hey spoot, I thought there weren't any more of these card thingies, Norby-Nick. [N] Last one, Dag. I promise. [D] Now that it's over, Norb-Nick, I've got one thing I've always wanted to say. SHUT UP!! (laughs) [N] Oh, Dag! [D] Yeah? [N] We forgot one thing! [D] Oh, that's right. [Both] APRIL FOOLS~!!11!! (They laugh)